The Five Love Languages - Week 2

Quality time.

Happy Sunday, love.

Last week I started a new five part series on the five love languages - I waxed a bit poetically on how I view the whole concept before delving into physical touch, so if you missed reading I’d recommend checking it out here before continuing. Friendly reminder that this series will only reflect my own personal experiences, preferences, and interpretations - it’s not intended as a universal guide or overview.

Between the previous post and this one I also wrote my first letter for paid subscribers only - it felt wonderful to share more of myself with those who have chosen to go above and beyond by supporting my writing. My newsletter will always have a free option for those who are not inclined or able to support yet, but I will be writing more exclusive letters going forward, so stay tuned! <3

As usual, there will be a poll at the end to vote for next week’s topic - quality time won this time around, be sure to click your favorite at the end!

Week 2: Quality time

In a world filled with distractions, I feel that quality time is defined by sharing space in a way that is both present and intentional. This can look a lot of different ways, but as long as those factors are present, it can feel like love to me.

For this letter, I’m also going to be using my secret sixth love language - bullet points. There’s something appealing about them to me - organized, succinct, and strangely attractive. Some days my thoughts and writing style tend to lean towards bullets instead of paragraphs, and I’ll always prefer to lean into where I’m at on a given day than to work against myself. So today we get examples and bullet points. Yay!

There’s no particular order in terms of enjoyment - except for the final bullet point. That one is number one, hands down.

• Watching a movie together - Beyond the utter coziness of being curled up on the couch together, hands brushing as we reach for popcorn at the same time - I also find it incredibly interesting how two people can watch the same film and come away with slightly different experiences based on our own experiences and perspectives. Exploring those differences is intriguing, and I adore picking each other’s brains after the movie. Bonus points if we’re showing each other our personal favorites.

• Listening to music - There’s something playful and lovely about going back and forth with the aux cord (or the Spotify to Bluetooth speaker, as it were). The closeness felt when you show someone your favorite song, and they actually listen. Not just to hear the song itself, but to search for what you love about it. To ascertain your tastes. The best experience is when the music we play for each other builds off of each previous song, until we’re able to share music that resonates with them as well, and become more and more in sync.

• Dancing together - Whether this be taking dance lessons (let’s learn how to salsa dance together, please!) or just goofing off to the music while we’re alone together, there’s something intrinsically sensual about sharing movement with another person. To see how well they can read my body with theirs. To explore how well we can move together. It can flow from flirty, to slowly explorative, to deliciously hedonistic. There’s hardly anything sexier than someone who is confident and surefooted with their movement.

• Cooking together - The whole process. Planning the meal, shopping for ingredients, the coordination involved in sharing a kitchen space to prep vegetables, measure ingredients, taste and adjust seasonings and salt. I find such joy in preparing a meal, and sharing that process holds a special place in my heart. It’s something I haven’t gotten to share very often, but would love to do more of in the future!

• Hiking - I love spending time in nature. Meandering through the trees, stepping off the trail here and there to explore the woods a little deeper. Holding hands. Soft, trailing conversations. Sharing kisses with no one around but the birds (and perhaps a few bees).

• 20 questions - 20 questions, truth or dare, etc.… I actually find these little games fun, just not as an ice breaker. I find the curiosities we build as we get to know someone can lead to some interesting and personalized questions that we wouldn’t have known to ask when we first met.

• Competitive games - I’m not a very competitive person by nature. Definitely more of the “so long as we’re happy, we’ve won” sort of mentality. But if it’s purely for play and I like who I’m with, I enjoy indulging. Be it board games, billiards, or bowling - the pitting of skills and wills against each other can be exciting (and occasionally a turn on, depending on if we play well together).

• Sharing experiences - This one is more of an umbrella, but frankly we don’t need this list to go on forever. This can include going to a comedy show or the ballet. Tickets to a Broadway show, or strolling through a museum.

• Traveling together - Of course, putting us on a plane and spending a week soaking up the sun on a beach sounds divine. As does a mountain retreat surrounded by hiking trails. But even for those on a budget, exploring new areas is so doable. A lover of mine noted that we tended to stick to the same downtown area for each of our dates, so I suggested we pick cities nearby and curate a day trip. So many of these cities we’ve passed through before or have visited one or two places there, but hadn’t really set out on foot to check out all of the hidden gems it had to offer. It’s an absolute delight, and I look forward to every one of those dates!

• Sharing nothing more than space - Sharing comfortable silence is another layer of intimacy that I feel is often overlooked. To become so attuned to one another that there is no pressure to fill a silence. To exist in the same space, perhaps even focusing on different tasks, and yet their very presence is reassuring and fills your cup up. When just being near each other is enough.

• Last but certainly not least… a wonderfully planned itinerary - I cannot express enough how attractive it is when someone reaches out with plan for the date. It could be a blend of the things I’ve listed above, or something so far off my radar that I wouldn’t have thought of it myself. Some of my favorite dates have been to places I wouldn’t have chosen myself - but they showed me a lot about the person I was with, and often opened my eyes to new experiences.

  Someone taking the time to plan our day, evening, or weekend shows that they value the time we’ll be sharing together. That they’re capable and comfortable with taking the lead, and genuinely want us to enjoy our date. And I know there are times that require a bit of insight and teamwork - but I so love when I can tell someone has done their research and planned things they knew we’d both enjoy. Truly, one of the finest ways to make a good first impression.

Until next week!

Warmly,
Evelyn